To be a fisher…

It is Christmas Eve. I have been home all night long, sitting and talking with friends and family. After a while of hanging out, I realized that I had some work to do, so I distanced myself from the crowd. I sat on the couch staring at my baptism application when somebody walked over to me and sat down. He looked at one of the questions and read it aloud, “What does it mean to be a follower of Christ?” After asking me what I was doing, he jokingly said that it meant he had to wake up early on Sunday mornings. I mean, I agreed with him because it’s true. Then he proceeded to tell me that I was welcome to come to church with him on Sunday because he knew that I do not have a home church anymore. His only description was that the lunch was great. When some other people asked me what I was doing, he told them that I was doing something weird for some religious purposes. He asked me why I was doing such a thing, why I had suddenly become a Christian, why I believed in something that took money from me every Sunday. He was joking of course, but OMG do you hear him?

This person just dissed me, my religion and God…on Christmas Eve. I don’t judge him because I trust that he will see the truth one day, but in this moment, I am unhappy. I’m mad at him for being an ignant. I’m mad that he thought it was okay to disrespect something that is so important to me. And seriously, it’s Christmas!! Even if you do not believe, it’s just common sense to respect other people. But the real reason for my anger is myself. I didn’t say any of this to him. I didn’t express my opinion. I didn’t elaborate about my transformation. I was too afraid to tell him about my God. Why am I such a coward? It’s Christmas…the perfect time to share. The stage was set, and I failed miserably.

We talk about ministry, going on missions, changing lives, changing my life…well I do anyway…but I could not even witness to this important person in my life. What is the point of me changing if I am too selfish to spread the good word? I didn’t want to create conflict. I was afraid that I might yell at him for being an ignant. I was afraid that uttering this disappointment out loud would make it real. My pride and my personality got in the way. To be a Christ-follower means to die to myself and to obey His commands. Tonight, I have failed to “go and make disciples of all nations”….heck, I failed in my own house. BUT I am sure that there will be another opportunity. Please Lord, give me more strength next time.

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